Alternate Accommodation Guide (A.A.G.)
We examine the more unusual alternatives to conventional accommodation (W.E.T.M.U.A.T.C.A.)
Houses! A big hallow square matted to a black pyramid! They come in all shapes and sizes, have many names, and are currently the 'in-thing' when it comes to habitation, but houses usually lack that individuality advertising tells us we all should have (because we're worth it). This form of accommodation tends to be expensive, require constant maintenance and will rarely allow you to stand out in the crowd. So we have caste off our traditionalist demeanor, shunned the established institutions and gone hunting for a different kind of home.
Caravans
Made famous by the 'Cops' television show, caravans offer of flexibility of address the lowly house can rarely match. These mobile mansions canrival more customary dwellings in features, often sporting showers, satellite television, microwaves, French maids and toilets - but add a number of their own tricks. Sick of those amorous neighbors screaming all night? No problem - Strap a 4x4 to these babies and soon those noisy gits will be mere specks of the horizon! Garden a mess? Feck it - move and get a new one! The abode of choice for those of a bohemian or itinerant nature.
grabagaff rating: 4
Igloo
Popular 'way-up-north' (like whale hunting and poking little baby seals with sticks), Igloos offer an indigenous, circular habitat to escape the elements and vicious animals (like penguins!). Constructed of abundant, eco-friendly and naturally occurring 'ICE', they provide a surprisingly warm and sheltered environment. (note: We recommend at least one gas powered heater be used to generate heat. *snigger*)
grabagaff rating: 3
Bridges
Usually passed over in gaff related conversations, the bridge servesmore thantheir river spanning causeway role to many a gaff-less punter. These structures offer valued protection against most of the elements pitted against us on this blue and green spinning muck-ball we call home. But bridges do suffer a number of failings. Draughts,intense hobo competition and a less than homly urine smell plague this form of habitate and may ultimately decreaseyour gaffsatisfaction.
grabagaff rating: 2
Cardboard Boxes
The subject of a forthcoming grabagaff article in itself, cardboard boxes can be thought of as smaller, comfortless, wheel-less caravans. But we love them!
grabagaff rating: too be rated
Park Bench / Newspaper combo
Are you hardcore? Are you tired of those wussies and their namby pamby shelters? Is the sky your roof and the sun and moon mere light-blubs? What the hell is a roof anyway? Then thepark bench / newspaper combo could be right up your street. Offering just enough comfort to recuperate after those long days of pitched knifey spooney battles whilst extending ones middle finger at all those captured by that heinous of words: 'address'.
grabagaff rating: (hardcore: 5) (wussie: 1)
FYI: Information on homelessness in Ireland can be found at http://www.focusireland.ie. Information on gaffs can be found at http://www.grabagaff.com ... but you knew that already.
Dez Iddon is a regular contributor to the grabagaff cause. When not slaving over a hot stove he enjoys walks in the park, reading the back of corn flakes boxes and poking little baby seals with sticks.