Beer for the curious (but broke)
What happens when you combine the 5 greatest minds of alcohol research?
Not much. However, add 35 of the cheapest and unconquered alcohol beverages in batches of five, a website with nothing better to do and things start to take shape. A very strange odd smelling shape with damp patches and dizzy spells...
Introducing the minds:
Dr Ro: 25, Virgo,
Likes: Walks in the park, plastering services and is looking for a soul mate, preferably human and living.
Dislikes: Walks, Parks, Bruce Willis's acting in the last Die Hard
Prof Kev: 25, Taurus,
Likes: The cider, bland boring comments, brown paper bags. And all that jazz.
Dislikes: Interesting witty comments, student accommodation websites.
Dr Dez: 26, Leo,
Likes: Drunkness, The floor, Discovery Channel, helicopters, planes with jump jet systems, nerdness
Dislikes: Sobriety, Sports, his bed, people taller then him
Dr Gorey Phd:
Likes: The last can, the last can before going to bed, the last can before going to bed when we're up watching a film and then there's no cans left. Wrestling games. His alloys
Dislikes: Finishing the last can, Going to the Offie, Shaving. The word Tuborg
Prof Fonz:
Likes: Phil, Fulham, sleeping with his eyes open, having chlidren. Beating panels.
Dislikes: Stuff, I don't know, make something up, something funny.
And now the juice of justice, the seven drinks tested are:
- Tauras: 1.29. Aldi,
- Lager: .88. Dunnes Stores,
- Grafenwalder: 1.99. Lidl,
- Premium: 1.05. Aldi,
- Kulm Bacher: 1.15. Dunnes Stores,
- Stienhauser: 1.17. Lidl,
- Bergedler: 99. Aldi.
And now to work!
Tauras: 1.29. Aldi
Ro: It's no, blah blah, and all crap cider tastes the same. 2/5
Kev: Strong taste, big kick. Feels weird in stomach. 2.5/5
Dez: Horrible, but hey what you gonna do? 3/5
Gorey: A bit sweet but easy to drink. 4/5
Fonz: Dry, very dry. 3/5
Average rating: 2.9/5
Lager: .88. Dunnes Stores
Ro: Tastes likes rust. 1/5
Kev: Weird 1st taste, kind of bland. Overall not too bad. 3/5
Dez: Glorious 4/5 (Wink Wink!) 2/5
Gorey: Not good. 1/5
Fonz: Rotten. 0/5
Average rating: 1.4/5
Grafenwalder: 1.99. Lidl
Ro: Rotten but it's 8.6%, you do the math. 2/5
Kev: Tastes like banana, thick but headbanging. 2/5
Dez: Hrrmmm, warm cat pee, No, heavy hitting but best served cold. 3/5
Gorey: Alcoholic soup, but gets you drunk quick. 2/5
Fonz: Strong stuff. 2/5
Average rating: 2.2/5
Premium: 1.05. Aldi
Ro: Place in a saucepan, add milk, bring to the boil, serves 4. 4.5/5
Kev: A bit forgettable, not bad though. 3/5
Dez: Tastes a bit bark, screw Flanders. 4/5
Gorey: Horrible. 1/5
Fonz: Good stuff. 4/5
Average rating: 3.3/5
Kulm Bacher: 1.15. Dunnes Stores
Ro: Does the job. 4/5
Kev: Not bad, good stuff. 4/5
Dez: F.1, Good, better then being sober. 4/5
Gorey: Not bad, very gassy. 2/5
Fonz: Even better stuff. 5/5
Average rating: 3.8/5
Stienhauser: 1.17. Lidl
Ro: A bit of an aftertaste, but you're a student. 3/5
Kev: Bad 1st impression, overall not bad. 3/5
Dez: Nice. Wait, look, no legs. 3/5
Gorey: Not bad, a bit bland. 4.5/5
Fonz: Right yeah. 2/5
Average rating: 3.1/5
Bergedler: 99. Aldi
Ro: Like an ugly bird with a lovely body and nice jugs. 4/5
Kev: Nice. 4/5
Dez: Everything goes with Salad cream. 4/5
Gorey: Very good, a nice aftertaste. 4.5/5
Fonz: Better stuff. 4/5
Average rating: 4.1/5
Conclusion:
Overall the Bergedler got the highest mark, although this may have something to do with the fact that it and stienhauser were the only two to come in bottle form, the lager received the lowest mark but again, this is the cheapest beer we have found at .88 cent, and it tastes ok. The Taurus being the only cider meant that pallets were not used to such appley goodness. The Grafenwalder being the most expensive and arguably the heaviest tasting is a hefty 8.6%, and therefore has a certain charm all of it's own. The remaining beers received mixed reviews but are all certainly worth a taste test.
GrabaGAFF.com advises not to mix all in one night. That said, the price for all drinks averages to €7.89 per person, not too shabby at all! And remember if you are going to drink, drink sensibly, cheaply, with gusto, and if possible, from a welly.